Sunshine on a Cloudy Day

I've sitting here wondering if it's really worth conjuring up an opener that really catches people's attention. I figure, well, if people are gonna read my blog, they're gonna read it whether the opener is any good or not. Let's hope so anyway...

I'm sitting here watching Nico battle with a shoe at the moment. I do believe the shoe is winning, unfortunatley for Nico. It's funny to watch, though.

So Jeremy has been gone for a few days on a white water rafting trip with the youth group. I couldn't get off work to go, so I've been stuck here. But it's good. I enjoy my job. The kids are wonderful! But it doesn't change the fact that I miss him greatly and hate when he leaves. Things seem to be going a lot better for us lately. We were going through a rough patch there for a while. We just seemed to have trouble connecting in the right ways and everything seemed to be a mess. It's amazing how much better things seem to be, though, when we're focused on the right things (Christ). It's been a powerful tool in our marriage as of late. We're slow starters, I guess you could say. I can't believe it's been almost year since we got married. We were always told that the first year of marriage flies by, but I don't think we expected this. It's been such an awesome journey; we look forward to the many years ahead.

You know, it just seems like my head has been full to the brim lately. Everything, yet nothing, seems to captivate me. Does that even make sense? I have so many things that I want to do that I don't even know where to begin. Any suggestions? I need to take advantage of my free time because I don't do that right now. Life is just seems too busy, so when I get a free moment, I use it to be lazy. It's NOT a habit I want to get into.

So I've decided that I definitely want to move to Haiti, though my sweet doesn't feel the same way. I keep tellin' myself that there's gotta be a reason for my deep love for that particular country. Sure, I've been overseas before (Russia, South Korea, Brazil), but never have I felt this way about such a place. It's captivated my heart, and I so badly want to be among the Haitian people. It's almost as if I'm actually there when I close my eyes. We've all heard that saying that God has a plan for us all, and I believe it. My problem is that I'm impatient. I don't want to WAIT around for what He has for us. I wanna get movin'. However, I'm learning that that's not how it works, which is probably best all around. It's just hard waitin' around, 'ya know? Yes, we're actively doing things for the ministry while we're waiting for our next move. And yes, we're willing to wait was long as necessary, but that does not by any means make it easier.

By and by, life is good and we are blessed. We're healthy (for the most part), we have a roof over our heads, cars to drive, and food to eat. We have good-paying jobs that we love and we have each other. What more could we ask for?

Haiti

So, I'm leaving for Haiti tomorrow night. Honestly, as excited as I am, I have a mixture of emotions. I think the biggest thing keeping me from being ecstatic about the whole trip is that I won't be able to talk to Jeremy for 7 of the 10 days we'll be apart. I know that's not a big deal. We spent the majority of our engagement long distance and we went days without talking to one another. But I'll be in a different country. I think it's a bit different this time.

But at the same time, we're both thrilled about the opportunities that we both have within the next week. He leaves this afternoon to go to Wisconsin to Silver Birch to lead worship for a youth retreat this weekend. There are over 100 students participating. He does an outstanding job at leading people to the throne of grace where they belong. He has a passion for it and he pursues it with all his heart. He truly believes that worship is loving God with all ones mind, heart, soul, and strength, and he protrays that through the way he worships the Lord. He's such a talented worship leader. I think it comes naturally for him. He doubts himself at times, but for him it's all about the Spirit leading, not about his "talent". He gets it. He actually gets it. It's such an admiral thing, too. My husband is truly a man of God. -- He also gets an entire week to himself, and while he'll miss me I'm sure, I think he's excited about being able to get some "man time" as he calls it. :) Any time he's home I take up a lot of his time 'cause he's always busy and I like to take advantage of him actually being home. I hope he gets some good quality "guy time" in while I'm away. He really needs it, bless his heart. He's always so busy that he doesn't get a whole lot o' it. I'm sure he'll take advantage of the free time he DOES have with me being gone.

As for me, I get to work at an orphanage in Port au Prince or six days. We're also participating in food distribution and street cleaning. Basically, we're going to be serving those who were hit the hardest by the devastatig earthquake back in January. I count it an honor that God would allow me to do such an outstanding service for His kingdom. He doesn't need me in any way, but He's called me to this for whatever reason and I must obey. I'm thrilled about the ways in which my team and I will grow in Him and through Him. I'm excited to see what He's going to reveal to us and I'm excited about how He's going to use us as we're there. He has a purpose behind this trip and we are to find out what that purpose is. We serve such a mighty God, eh?

Please pray for us as we're on the Haiti mission field. We know that because we're doing what God has called us to that Satan will try to attack. Pray that we don't allow him in one little bit. He has no hold on those who have placed their trust in Him and Him alone. Also, please pray for Jeremy as he leads worship this weekend. God is using him in a wonderful way. Lastly, please pray for us as we're apart, that our separation would only make our marriage stronger and more secure. We will get to see each other again around 10:30 pm on the 13th. What a wonderful time that will be!

Minnesota

So, I've lived in Minnesota now for approximately 8 months. The time, though, seems to have gone by slowly. Winter has set in for what seems like eternity, and I'm not a fan of winter. Growing up in North Carolina, we didn't really have winter--at least all that much. Nowadays it seems like they're getting dumped as much as we are. Ah, so much for global warming.

Anyway, about Minnesota.. I'm lonely here. Even after 8 months, I still haven't really befriended a lot of people. And the people I am friends with are all college students with my husband, so they're busy all the time--just like he is. I spend my days off of work at home. Honestly, I don't know much else to do around here. I could explore, but any exploring nowadays costs money and we're trying to save money in hopes of buying a new car soon. I've been thinking about volunteering. Organizations always need volunteers. But then I figured out something: I'm lazy. Seriously, I'm really lazy. It's pathetic, actually. But I know I need to do it. Amanda and I hang out a lot, but she's married now, she's a full-time student, and she has a job. With all that goin' on, there's not much time left over for anything else. I don't blame her, or anyone else, though, for constantly being busy. Thus is life. I reckon I should get used to it, eh? Eventually my husband will be a youth pastor and then he swears that he'll be even more busy then he is now. Goodness, I hope that's not the case. I feel like we never see each other now. I love him, though, and cherish the moments we do have together, as few and far between as they may be.

Also, I've revived my desire to return to school, though for financial reasons cannot go back at this present time. One of us has to work full-time, and with Jeremy being a full-time college student, that plate has landed in my lap. When I do return, however, I've figured out what I want to do (or at least I think I have). I want to learn ASL (American Sign Language) and I want to translate. I think it'd be a wonderful job and there aren't enough ASL translators around anymore. I believe it would be a blessing, really. I think it's a beautiful "language".

Jeremy and I just "celebrated" (though not really) six months of marriage together! It blows my mind how quickly these six months have gone by. When had only been dating for six months when we got engaged, and that seems like it was so much longer! And we were only engaged for eight months, so we've been married almost as long as we were engaged. It's been so blessed, too. He's so wonderful to me. I am sincerely thankful for such a wonderful man to call my husband. I fall more in love with him each and every day. I cherish him. xoxo

Also, I'm going to Haiti in March! That's about the only exciting news going on in my life at the moment. After the 7.0 earthquake that struck them on January 12th, I felt a need (and a calling) to do something besides donating clothes or money. When the opportunity to go with a group from Northern Minnesota presented itself, I quickly jumped on board. I'm in the process of raising support, which the Lord is so graciously providing, and I'm preparing to go. Unfortunately, Jeremy won't be going with me. :( I'll be gone for a week, and while I'm not quite sure what we'll be doing there yet, I know it'll be life-changing for many people. The Lord, I'm sure, is going to work through us as He always does. I believe He is going to use us as instruments to share with the lost in Haiti. It's such an exciting opportunity.

I've just written a novel here...

Goals for 2010

I've never been a fan of making new year's resolutions. I've always thought they were over rated. Who really keeps them anyway? Most people give up a few weeks into the new year. Instead, I have decided to make goals for myself--ones that I believe are actually worth pursuing and achievable. I figured with the new decade should come a new Toni. Anyway, here they are:

-I want to become a woman after God's own heart.
-I want to believe, without a doubt, that God is just beyond anything and everything.
-I want to become a better wife to Jeremy in every way possible.
-I want to deepen my relationship with my sister and my parents. Being so far away causes barriers at times; I want to break them down.
-I want to learn to accept the things I cannot change about myself.
- I want to learn to accept the things I cannot change.
- I will learn a lot more Sign Language (and retain it) and start actively pursuing a degree in ASL.
- I want to go somewhere new (anywhere).
- I want to start to learn Spanish.
- I want to be an even better nanny to Mateo, Julia, and Nico. Those kids are so great!
- Become more patient.
- I don't want to get pregnant--yet! :)
- I want to start climbing trees again. It's been too long.
- I want to make a new friend--one that will last a lifetime.
- I want to teach myself to be more creative.
- I want to go to the beach (the ocean, that is).
- I want to become the best photographer I can be. I have a lot of practicing to do before June.
- I want to be a small group leader that makes a difference in my girls' lives.
- I want to drop two jeans sizes and/or lose 15 lbs. Both would be fabulous!
- I want to go camping.
- I'm going to learn to not be so awkward around people that I am trying to get to know.
- I want to buy a pair of TOMS shoes.
- Write a song.
- I want to be brave enough to sing in front of my husband. Seriously..
- Plan a trip to see Sequoia National Park, maybe for next year!
- I want to forget about the past and focus on my future. I tend to reminise too often.
- Take advantage of winter, even if I hate it.
- Volunteer with the Salvation Army and/or World Vision.
- I need to learn to cook. I'll add more as I think of 'em.
- I won't cut my hair at all this year unless it's to trim it. I want to grow it out and donate it again.